New option for custody possible

A pilot programme for parents involved in custody disputes is being launched, to allow families to appear before a mediator, rather than a judge.

The $1.5m trial will take place on Auckland's North Shore from February, for parents involved in custody, access and guardianship cases.

The Minister for Courts, Rick Barker, says at the moment parents who can't agree on custody arrangements have to appear before a Family Court judge. He says under the new system, parents will see a mediator, who will make a recommendation to the court on custody arrangements for the children.

Barker says this will speed up the process, and will be a less scary experience for children.

Family Court Scheme Could Be Success

The Union of Fathers believes a new Family Court pilot scheme will be a huge success, if it is well resourced.

A non judge-led mediation service is being trialled to resolve custody and access issues on Auckland's North Shore.

Union of Fathers spokesman Jim Bagnall says it is critical highly skilled mediators are used, so parents understand what is best for their children.

Mr Bagnall says interest in the pilot is huge because New Zealanders want change in the Family Court.

Pilot scheme should be more successful

There are hopes a pilot scheme for resolving child custody issues will be more successful than the current system.

Early next year families on Auckland’s North Shore will be given the option of accepting mediation not led by a judge.

Courts Minister Rick Barker says currently families referred to mediation can wait weeks or even months to be appointed a Family Court judge.

He says this way, properly trained mediators can speed up the process and help families find their own solutions.

Anger over wife-beater home-detention ruling

Concerns for the safety of a woman and her children were raised last night after a Christchurch judge allowed a convicted wife-beater to apply for home detention.

Eru Morete, 22, was sentenced to one year behind bars after being found guilty of assaulting his pregnant girlfriend, but after a ruling on Thursday he could serve part of his sentence at home.

The move has angered domestic violence support groups who say judges and parole boards will have blood on their hands if home detention prisoners reoffend.

The man is alleged to have knocked the 36-week pregnant woman to the ground and threatened her with a knife, causing her to go into premature labour.

He then refused to telephone for an ambulance, although she screamed for help.

Brian Gardner, the national manager of the National Network of Stopping Violence Services, said the man should never have been allowed to apply for home detention.

"If he gets home detention his partner will effectively be his jailer," he said.

"Courts are abdicating their responsibility for care and protection by sending an abusive man back to the house with his victims."

Home detention orders are only served with the consent of the woman involved, but Sheryl Hann, the policy research adviser of the National Collective of Independent Women's Refuges, said victims might agree because they were fearful of retaliation.

"Victims feel tremendous guilt after their partner has been arrested and convicted," she said.

"The reality of the violence fades and they feel hopeful that things will be different but this is not borne by statistics. We know that when there is a serious assault like this there has usually been a history of abuse and it's not likely to change without intense intervention.

"Judges need to realise that domestic violence is a life and death situation and that home detention should never be allowed under any circumstances."

Applications are assessed by parole boards and Hann said campaign groups lobbied the Government this year to ban domestic violence offenders requesting home detention.

Child Custody Or Child Abuse?

Child Custody Or Child Abuse?

Father-deprivation is a more reliable predictor of criminal activity than race, environment or poverty.

Father-deprived children are:
1. 72% of all teenage murderers.

2. 60% of rapists.

3. 70% of kids incarcerated.

4. twice as likely to quit school.

5. 11 times more likely to be violent.

6. 3 of 4 teen suicides.

7. 80% of the adolescents in psychiatric hospitals.

8. 90% of runaways

Sources: National Fatherhood Initiative, US Bureau of Census, FBI


Father-deprivation is a serious form of child abuse that is institutionalized and entrenched within our legal system. Powerful sexist people in New Zealand have a vested interest in diminishing the role of men, especially their role as fathers. Research proves that children thrive with the active and meaningful participation of both biological parents, and is true even for post-divorce families.

Divorced fathers would like somewhere between full and half time custody, and are willing to make the appropriate lifestyle adjustments to accomplish it. The myth that fathers are disposable and/or replaceable is an assault against our families and communities. Fathers who show their love and responsibility towards their children by working long hours to provide comfort and security will find those sacrifices used as a weapon against them. They discover that they sacrificed too much - they are dismissed as the 'secondary care-giver'.

Feminist legal dogma and contrived statistics have reduced divorced fathers to wallet-parents, possibly with a few visiting hours. Children are thereby deprived of their father and fathers are deprived of their children - without just cause. Fathers alienated from their children are left with either humiliating submission or disobedience, with the only remaining debtor's prison reserved exclusively for non-custodial fathers.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS): the process whereby one parent initiates the systemic vilification of the other parent by manipulation of the child with the intent of alienating the child from the other parent. PAS also causes the child to enter the [vilification] dynamic, becoming a weapon and a spokesperson and a co-combatant. The psychological damage to children used as pawns is abuse in itself."PAS is encouraged by New Zealand's "winner take all" sole custody presumption.

PAS is the inevitable result of legal battles where a parent uses children as a means of controlling and manipulating an ex-spouse. Sole-custody parents have it in their power to arbitrarily revoke other-parent involvement. Embittered sole-custody parents often poison their own children's minds with claims that the other parent doesn't care, and the courts don't view that as a problem worthy of mention. As part of divorce battles, credulous social agencies facilitate false allegations of child abuse. Careers, reputations and emotions are devastated... overwhelmingly fathers. We should not be surprised that these 'throw-away' parents are driven to desperation.

The primary opponents of shared custody are feminist organizations, they portray every father as a monster with a hidden agenda to "...place women and their children in harm's way." But, if men are as dangerous as they say, why marry and have children by them? In fact, when women are finished with the old husband and father, they usually get re-married to some other woman's 'terrible' husband and father! Demanding sole custody without cause should be considered evidence of parental irresponsibility and false allegations should result in penalties that will be effective deterrents.

Politicians pander to false presumptions about fathers, assuring us a bitter future. The darker side of sole-custody is rarely acknowledged by anyone in government. Enabling anyone to abuse children as the means of controlling and extorting an ex-spouse is inconsistent with a free and democratic country.

Love and care from both parents meets the best interests of children. Shared parenting should be the presumption, with only neglect or abuse being valid cause to grant sole-custody. Shared parenting is the model favored by moderate father's groups and social scientists. Shared parenting is being implemented in many jurisdictions. Mediation leads to reasonable solutions and should precede all divorces whenever children are involved.

END

Husband Abuse Husband Assault

Let’s break the silence!

ARE YOU BEING ABUSED?

• Are you being hurt by your wife or your girlfriend?
• Do you know someone else who is being assaulted or abused by their wife or girlfriend?
• Does your wife or girlfriend use sex as a weapon to control and intimidate you into getting what she wants?
• Does your wife threaten that she is going kick you out of the house, take you to court and get everything, including the kids?
• Is the person you love hurting or abusing you?
• Is she threatening to hurt you?
• Do you feel trapped or scared?
  

These things are ABUSE.

You can do something about it.

What is husband abuse?

The terms husband abuse or husband assault are used when a woman hurts or threatens the man she is in a relationship with. Husband assault including threatening is against the law!

Assault and threatening includes
· Throwing objects at you.
· Threatening to kill you or destroy your property
· Slapping, pushing or hitting you anywhere on your body

Husband abuse includes emotional abuse such as:
· Insulting the man or treating him badly in front of others.
· Threatening to hurt the man
· Blaming him for things that are not his fault
· Controlling what he does and where he goes
· Threatens to have sex with another man
· Interferes with his relationship with the children.

Abusive women power and control over their partners. Men are being abused every day in our country - young, old, disabled, poor, rich, immigrant men and men who were born in New Zealand. Abuse can start with a slap and a push and end in murder. Children who see their mothers violent and abusive to their partners remember it for the rest of their lives and can become abusive themselves to their children.

This abuse against children and fathers must be stopped.
Children and their fathers have the right to feel safe too.

What you can do to help protect yourself from husband abuse?

Try talking to your wife or partner first and seeking counseling. If this approach does not stop the abuse, then it is a good idea is to tape record the abuse in your home by taping the abuse on a small concealed pocket recorder and recording the incidents of abuse in your home when they happen. This includes abuse against the kids too. Quite often a woman who abuses her husband will abuse the children as well.


Unfortunately, most police officers will not believe you if you tell them that you are being threatened or physically abused and in fact you may be accused of making a nuance call to the police. A tape recording will give the evidence you need to verify that you are telling the truth and to help ensure that the police do their job right.

It is not advisable to leave your home as the woman can, in most cases, get a court order to keep you out of your home permanently. She will usually keep you from seeing your children as another form of control after you are separated. The abuser should be made to leave the home, not the victim.Unfortunately, there are few if any established places where men can go for help.

Although the government has provided millions of dollars to women’s shelters it does not provide men with even the most services when it comes to dealing with abuse. Men and caring people in the community are must contact their government representative and complain about the disgraceful lack of services for man.

Why do men stay with their abusive partners?

Our society makes it very difficult for men to leave women who abuse them. Many in society still refuse to believe that women, who are supposed to be the weaker sex can control or abuse a man. Many others believe that a man should be able to handle any woman.

A man generally remains in a relationship with an abusive women for reasons such as:

• It is embarrassing to admit that a woman is abusive. After all men are supposed to be bigger and stronger.
• Most men feel a duty and commitment to remain in their relationship. Studies show that it is men who strive to keep a relationship intact, not the woman.
• Most men feel that children raised in a home with a father and mother is best for the children.
• The woman promises to never be abusive again and begs him to believe her. Most men usually do.
• Men feel most responsible for keeping the family together.
• Men are aware of the bias in the courts and know that the court system will likely strip them of everything and give it to the woman.
• Sex. Many women will use sex to control their partner by threatening to cut it off if they don’t get their way or to give it to lure a man back. Women hold the ultimate control when it comes to basic sexual needs.
• There is just nowhere for men to go. There are no government funded shelters or support services for men.

Why do women abuse and batter their partners?

An abusive woman often wants to have power and control over her partner and the whole family including the children.

• She may believe that she has the right to control her husband or partner.
• She had learned that she can be abusive and nothing happens.
• She may feel that she cannot handle the problems in her life.
• She may feel powerless and abusing her partner is a form of power.

Our society must show that we will no longer turn our backs on violence, abuse and persecution against men